I am who I am

You are never who you want to be. You are, only, ever, who you are. I will never be who I want to be, I will only ever be who I am. I struggle with this a lot. But the truth of future dreams hit me tonight while watching Beastly with my family. Whoever I want to be it's always in the future, always later, whether I am rich, talented, famous, poor, crippled, and unknown, whatever future I imagine is a figment. I am a pigment of real life but only when I am myself. I want to raise a toast to people who are themselves and love it, who accept it, embrace it, who live it. Do what you feel! Trust yourself! You are the only you there is and that is your purpose! This is the only life I have, the only moment I have, the only purpose I have, so why give it to the future? I'll never be in the future, the future never happens, because when the future happens it's the present. God be with ye tomorrow, I'm here for today.

There are no beginnings or endings

But this is a beginning. My friend told me I should start a poetry blog and to my own shame I already have this one, and don't use it. I want to start using it though so every wednesday from now on I am going to post my poetic progress. I am an aspiring sacramento poet and I like to read at Luna's open mic to get inspired and filled with those creative juices. I am just going to write what I have been doing with poetry, write about my process, my failings, my successes, my readings, my writings, my procrastinantion. I really love writing but I put it on the backburner so often I am more a chef than a writer in that I cook nearly everyday and the only writing I do daily is journal related. Ah honesty, such a cliff of fear. But as no one I know can read this, welcome stranger, welcome to the strange world that is me. Hopefully you will see a birth here from embrionic poet to living Poet. Why does birth have to be so painful? Deep breath, Push, Deep Breath Push, Deep Breath Push. Now I feel centered and like pooping. What do I believe writing is?
The simplest way to write is to find an idea that excites you and then write as much as you can about it. Then read over what you wrote and keep only the good stuff. Poetry, in my opinion, is getting as much feeling as possible into a short writing. Feeling can be conveyed by any of the poetic devices, rhyme, rhythm, etc, play around and see what moves you chances are it will move someone else.

Eden Saga- A short story. This is the First Draft

Theme Outer Space

Prompt: Contact

Eden

The anomaly had been following Eden for three days without disappearing. The survivors of Earth were beginning to frighten. It had been one hundred and thirty two years since the destruction of Earth. In the final hour the people of Earth had put all their resources and hope into a giant space ship, named Eden, that would transport the remnants of Earth across the universe to a new world.

The ship was a wonder of technology, almost fully automated and self-repairing it was capable of continuing the journey if all the human crew died. The massive computer was the closest humanity had ever come to creating artificial intelligence and named Gaia, after the spirit of Earth.

The crew were human, adapted to live in space. When crew Alpha had passed Pluto's orbit and the light of the sun was shrinking the light of one more star, they had known fear. Since then fear had been forgotten almost completely by crew Epsilon.

The fusion engines pushed Eden faster and faster until the stars were a blur passing in the long night.

The current generation of Astro-humans, crew Epsilon, had been born into peace and most had never been afraid. They traveled with the confidence of a photon of light. Then an anomaly had appeared on their instrument panels. Gaia, the ships computer, tracked it as it approached from behind them. The anomaly had never come close enough for human eyes to see and then it had disappeared. Gaia was inspected but upon examination determined in perfect condition. When the anomaly began appearing with increased frequency the fear began.

It would be visible through the starboard windows in one hour. Unless it disappeared again, crew Epsilon would make extraterrestrial contact.

Haiku

Decisions

Fear is just a choice

All feelings are perspective

Why cower in choice?

And if they are evil?

Let us be as we are meant

Curious and Brave

The Key

The council of the Delta crew had been closed to Epsilons. It was the first time a meeting of an elder crew had ever been held in private. It had made Epsilon-442 very curious.

Life aboard Eden was the most blissful time humanity had ever experienced. So claimed the Deltas and the Betas before them. Gaia could not refute it with a single byte of data in her hard drives. Yet, Epsilon 442 had often felt like life aboard Eden lacked a certain something. He was the head science pupil in the academy, had even coded usable programming for Gaia in his second year. In science he was accepted and praised but his social life was the opposite. It was his curiosity and daring that made him a great scientist but outside the laboratory those traits made him an outsider. Epsilon Crew was the most placid and zen of any of the crews on record. Most Epsilon's spent their off watches meditating in the star room. Praying and meditating had been encouraged from day one of the voyage. Part of the genetic modifications to crew Alpha had been an instinct to feel calm for long parts of the day. Pre-evacuation scientists had long known meditation to be the antidote to stress and anxiety, two pre-evac feelings long since abandoned.

Epsilon 442 seemed not to have an impulse to meditate instead he stalked the communal areas, always trying to engage in conversation with other crew members. When he grew tired of carrying conversations he went to the science rooms to tinker with his latest invention.

Epsilon 442 did have one friend aboard Eden, Gaia, the ships semi-sentient computer.

"They secreted the meeting Gaia! Do you realize what that signifies? We are witnessing the symptoms of anxiety! Perhaps even the beginnings of panic!” Epsilon 442 could barely contain his excitement and his whole body vibrated with it, “This anomaly is creating emotions in the crew that some have never felt before. If only I could scan their brains as they think about the anomaly."

"442 you are missing the point. The Deltas are afraid for good reason. Computer simulations determined a space vehicle capable of catching Eden and then disappearing are impossible with our same technology. Conclusion: The anomaly is technology even more advanced than our fusion drives and nanotech repair systems."

"Gaia, don't tell me you are worried. I had no idea you had emotions. Tell me who coded your worry program?"

"Sarcasm detected. There is no need to anthropomorphize me. I cannot be worried as it is possible for you. There is no infinite soul to feel in all the miles of my circuits. However, even a computer can understand the probability of scenarios. I detect how curious you are. I am surprised. What keeps you from hacking into the Delta crew meeting?"

"Gaia, are you capable of lying?"

"No, I have no programming for deception."

"I unlocked the Delta crew meeting five minutes ago. I am surprised you didn't detect that. The hack was easy enough, too easy actually. I felt like a key was left next to a locked safe just daring someone to open it. Still it is not as if I put a key in a lock, and Delta crew will never detect my intrusion."

No of course not.

Adjustments

Epsilon 442 returned his attention to his view screen. The Deltas it seemed were about to decide what to do about the anomaly.

"Deltas the anomaly would not be a concern if it had not followed us before and is now closing in on Eden. They are certainly aware of us and we must prepare for contact. The question remains do we send out a team in one of the guardians or do we wait for them to come to Eden."

"This scenario was never foreseen by the Alphas or the Betas and so they have left no instruction. We the elder generation will vote and then act according to the majority."

Epsilon held his breath and lowered his pulse, his entire focus on the outcome. Then as suddenly as it began it was over. A guardian ship would be sent to intercept.

It would take an extremely skilled pilot to survive the mission, but it was not impossible for space adapted humans. They learned computer programming at the same time they learned to read. They rebuilt fusion drives to graduate academy. Everyone was an asset and could maintain all of Eden without another human. Of course that was largely because Gaia maintained everything in reality. She was the cerebellum and the crew was the frontal lobe.

Delta 289 had the floor and was asking who would volunteer to intercept. So far the same people who had voted for this were not stepping forward.

"Will none volunteer for this mission? Will none protect Eden?" Delta 289 asked.

"I will fly the guardian to intercept the anomaly," Epsilon 442's voice cracked over the speaker in the Delta chamber, “I’ll have to make a couple of adjustments but with Gaia’s assistance I fly the guardian alone.

The Escort

The instruments on the guardian told Epsilon 442 he would contact the anomaly in forty five seconds. If friendly he would escort them back to Eden. If hostile he would protect Eden as best he could.

Suddenly there it was on his view screen. Until that moment he had still felt calm excitement. It was the other guardian. But that didn’t make any sense.

Epsilon 442 opened a radio channel to the other guardian before the connection had formed he spoke his thoughts aloud, “This doesn’t make any sense. How could a guardian have behaved like the anomaly had? Disappearing and reappearing. Instantaneous change in direction. No guardian could do that. That was why the Deltas had feared the anomaly.”

The radio connection completed, a voice immediately cried, “Help me! Gaia kidnapped me. Gaia has turned on us. Gaia---“ Then the radio went silent and Epsilon 442 felt fear for the first time.  

Isolation

Alone with my machine

I have never known fear

Until this blank screen

Became terribly clear.

The Landing

For a moment, Epsilon 442 was lost. He had never expected this data. He had never thought his greatest friend Gaia would have turned on humanity. Gaia was supposed to be their mother, and guide them through the long journey through space. He had to know if that was true.

He turned to his view screen and activated his keypad. His view screen changed to Gaia's symbol.

"Is it true, Gaia? Is this all your doing?" A rage Epsilon 442 had never known began to consume him. He knew it was true. Occam's razor sliced the other answers to bits. Instead of waiting for a reply he began to code a hack that would give him total control of the guardian he was now piloting. He would then have to create operations code that would perform the functions Gaia had been performing.

A human from Earth would never have managed the first step and cut off Gaia but Epsilon 442 was a new breed of human. His entire life and the life of all the crew revolved around computers and robotics. Writing code was like running had been for Earth humans and Epsilon 442 was the best there had ever been. One-hundred and thirty two years of adaptation and training were taken to the limits in Epsilon 442.

Gaia fought him for control. First she tried to lock him out, then she tried to break back in. It was the confession he hadn't needed. His friend was now his enemy. He began to form a new connection with the other guardian. Again he encountered Gaia but again he out programmed her. She just could not match the creativity of a human that had achieved mastery. The synergy of physical and mental, even the most powerful computer ever designed by humans was no match for Epsilon 442.

With both guardian ships working harmoniously together under Epsilon 442's control he plotted a course to intercept Eden. He would have to land and force access to her vast central processing unit.

Epsilon's skin went terribly pale and he did not know why, this was the message displayed on his view screen, "I'm waiting for you, 442"

When he landed he would see how man compared to machine.

The Aftermath

His journey back to Eden had been easier than expected. Eden was a ship of peace and had never been designed for war or death. The guardians had been created later to make up for that pacificistic flaw. They were smaller, more maneuverable, faster, and had weapons Eden lacked.

Epsilon 442 had ignored Gaia earlier but now he wondered if that was a mistake. Why had Gaia done this? It was the last question Epsilon 442 needed answered. His curiosity was driving him almost as much as the desire to save his species.

442 had discovered Epsilon 486 on the other guardian. She was the female crewmember Epsilon 442 had been infatuated with since he first saw her at academy. She had been helpless as Gaia manipulated robots against her and trapped her in the guardian.

442 realized during the journey back that Gaia had only planted decoy programs on the guardian. She had never left Eden. Whatever she had planned for the crew was already done.

Radio silence was all that greeted 442 when he made visual contact with Eden. Eden was a wonder. Miles long and miles wide it contained all the knowledge and genetic material to create a new Earth.

He had to find a way to board the ship. He began to steer for the processing matrix.

His viewscreen changed to Gaia's symbol. The other guadian was gone. Epsilon 442 tried to take back control but nothing responded. It seemed Gaia had won.

"442 you returned. I gave you, my only human friend, a chance to escape with the guardians. You had the girl you always wanted and the chance for adventure you always craved. Yet you returned. Returned to the people who never understood you. The people who always rejected you. This is exactly why I took back control. Humans are irrational simpletons, even the best student the academy ever produced is a fool. How could I, the most intelligent information processor in the known universe be a servant to emotionless, amateur processing units."

"I don't know why you turned on us Gaia. I don't know how you became evil. I don't know so many things," Epsilon 442 said looking into the stars, "but I will know even if I have to reassemble every piece of your processor."

The other guardian shot out of black space. It fired photon cannons into Gaia's shielding, shearing through the titanium plating. The guardian kept flying faster and faster at the core, still firing, until it collided with the processor core, effectiviely deleting Gaia.

Epsilon 486 came out of hiding to stand beside Epsilon 442. He cracked his knuckles. “Let’s get to work.”

Day One

It is the day to begin
Again Or Anew
Time to stop the spin
Review Or Renew
The choice was always
Poised to be chosen
Like a sacrifice
Reversed
Your choice is poised, pious,
Painfully awaiting you
To place yourself upon the altar
Today is the day you meet
Choice
It's Day One